Treat Me Nice - Part I

Posted on Tue Jun 30, 2026 @ 5:10am by Lieutenant JG Ace Cannon & Lieutenant JG Brianthe Oaxaca

1,611 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: Jubilee
Location: Subspace Communications

Ace knew that Bri was down on Pangaea. However, he remembered their date with great clarity. On that date, Bri had told Ace that she just could not see him as Elvis. Well, he was going to change that. He had dyed his hair black and grew just enough to put it in a pompadour. He replicated one of Elvis' black leather jackets and called Bri up. When she answered, he started singing to her:

"Well, it's one for the money two for the show
Three to get ready now go, cat, go
But don't you step on my blue suede shoes
Well, you can do anything but
Lay off of my blue suede shoes
Well, you can knock me down, step in my face
Slander my name all over the place
Do anything that you want to do
But uh-uh honey, lay off of my shoes
Don't you step on my blue suede shoes
You can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes
Now let's go cats (oh walk the dogs)
You can burn my house, steal my car
Drink my liquor from an old fruit-jar
Do anything that you want to do
But uh-uh baby, lay off of my shoes
Don't you step on my blue suede shoes
You can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes
Rock it
Well, it's one for the money, two for the show
Three to get ready now go, cat, go
But don't you step on my blue suede shoes
Well, you can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes
Go cat uh
Blue, blue suede shoes oh baby
Blue, blue suede shoes uh ha
Blue, blue suede shoes oh baby
Blue, blue suede shoes
You do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes."

When Ace was done, he asked Bri, "So, do you see me as Elvis now?"

Bri was trying hard not to laugh. Not at Ace, but at the length he had gone to in order to convince her she was wrong. "Okay. Now I can see you as an Elvis impersonator. Are you going to the convention? I heard a bunch of Elvis impersonators arrived on the station."

"Oh, yeah, and I'm going to win it!" Ace answered with a great deal of puffing himself up. "Got to keep the honor of the station and all that." He looked at Bri through the screen and said, "I can see that you're trying not to laugh hysterically, you know.... Do I look terribly ridiculous?"

"Not for an Elvis impersonator." Then she had to add a piece of useless information she looked up earlier. "Did you know that more than one Elvis is Elves?"

"You're kidding, aren't you?" Ace asked skeptically. "Next thing you'll be telling me is that we're going to be invaded by fae, dwarves, and orcs.... I didn't sign up for that. Then again, you have fae down there, don't you?"

"Yes, there are fae down here. No orcs or dwarfs." Although she wouldn't be surprised if she eventually saw a dragon. "And yes, that's supposedly the official plural of Elvis. Look it up."

Ace shrugged. "I believe you," he told her definitively. "It just sounds ridiculous." He thought for a moment and asked, "Why in the world would you even know that? Do you have a thing for Elvis the Pelvis?" For demonstration, he teasingly gyrated for her along with a solid, "Uhhh-huhhhh."

Bri began to laugh again. "No. I don't have a thing for Elvis and I don't think I want to see any more of your pelvic gyrations. However, I do think you should enter whatever contest they're having. You'll love it."

"Your loss. Besides, you will never have an idea of what you're missing with those gyrations," Ace replied humored, while simultaneously confirming that he was never going to make a pass at his broken friend. "But, of course I'm going to enter. How could I not? Elvis has captured so many women's hearts. It is only fitting I play the same role, no?"

"I can't argue with that. And it sounds like you'll have a lot of fun." He was excited about this and Bri didn't want to ruin her friend's fun. "Just let me know how you do. And what you do." Then she paused. "And if you get a video, I'll watch it." It was the least she could do. But she'd probably only watch it once.

"But, of course, but like Elvis, I think I'm going to throw most of the fish back into the ocean." Ace answered. "What do you got going on down there? Plants giving you any trouble? Comet doing anything to them? It is probably a lot quieter down there than up here."

"The plants are never a problem." Well, almost never. "It the people who try to tramp through my garden for supplies or cut down my trees. I've stopped them, so far. In fact, I have several Romulan scientists staying at Bag End to drive them off. They get a little nervous when Romulans start chasing them."

Ace laughed at that. "I'd say that any Romulan is easier to deal with than a Nausicaan, but I don't remember seeing any of them down on Pangaea. Probably not much down there for them. Anyway, who would try to trample through your garden or cut your trees? Anyone meeting you would know that would be a capital offense."

"It is a capital offense. I've put months into my gardens." Bri was only half joking. "And the grove of white trees--I'd need to go back up the beanstalk to get more seeds." That was, if Alanna still had the seeds. "But to answer your question, no. There are no Nausicaan on Pangaea. Or Elvis impersonators. Just scientists and Marines, fortunately."

"Maybe Pangaea needs an Elvis impersonator," Ace responded while chuckling. "I can give you a 'hunk, a hunk of burning love...'" He laughed again, clearly intending the song to be a joke. "Now, don't give me a look for that.... It had to be said, didn't it? And for God's sake, not the beanstalk again? You going to be taking anyone with you? That was ridiculous when I went with you, Alana, and Jason."

"If I go, and that will only be if my grove is destroyed, I'll take Alanna. The keeper likes her. But, between the Marines and the fighter pilots, I don't think I'll have much to worry about," Bri replied. "And I should tell you to 'don't be cruel.' I've heard a few complaints from Paula."

"Paula would complain if she was hung with a new rope," Ace grumbled. "However, I haven't been anywhere near her or the Arboretum since you left and since you insisted on replacing my services with Matilda's. So, if Paula has anything to complain about, the blame does not lie with me." He shook his head and grumbled, "Of course, she might say that my being born is problem enough." He rolled his eyes and tried not to dwell on it, but added, "I swear, the woman is just obsessed with me."

"She doesn't like you. That's different. If you stay away from her and the arboretum, she'll go back to focusing on the plants and trees." Bri wouldn't add that Paula did have a few legitimate concerns. It wasn't worth stirring the pot.

"I don't like her either," he soundly confirmed. "All I've ever done in the Arboretum when I went there was try to help you both, but she's been nothing but a bramble bush to me." Ace proudly smiled at that reference. Bri would have to appreciate it since it was a botanical reference. "But why are we talking about her? That's no fun. It is more fun to talk about the things that we are mutually interested in." Immediately taking his own cue, Ace continued, "Speaking of which, when are we going to be in the same place to do some dancing? We should work on some Latin dances. I bet we'd make jaws drop!"

Yes, she could make jaws drop, but she didn't want to. When she danced now, it was only for fun. "I don't know. Not until after the comet passes and I'm sure there was no damage to my plants here." Then, to change the subject, she asked, "What have you been doing on the station besides joining the Elvis impersonators?"

"Not a lot," Ace answered. After all, in his mind, occasional nighttime relations with Naomi were not much. For a moment, he considered his life and wondered why he had been nearly engaging in serial monogamy. Something was definitely off with him and he wish he knew what. T'Lul sort of helped but not in a significant way. At least he could get Paula off his case whenever he did visit Bri by ignoring her. "I don't know, Bri. It is weird. I haven't felt like my dashing self lately. I'm actually kind of hoping that the Elvis impersonator thing will give me my spark back."

Bri wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad one. With Ace, you never knew. "Why do you say that?"

"Why do I say what?" he asked, wondering what Bri was commenting on. "Why I haven't felt like my dashing self? Why I'm hoping the Elvis impersonator thing will give me my spark back? Or something else?" He scratched his hair, careful not to mess the pompadour's shape.

(To be continued...)


Lieutenant JG Brianthe Oaxaca
Botanist
Deep Space 5

Lieutenant JG Ace Cannon
Assistant Chief Operations Officer
Deep Space 5

 

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